All the men that I have loved are nuts. I really am not trying to attract them they flock to me and I fall for them every time. Those that I want a relationship with hide the fact that they are nuts until I am hooked and those that I don’t want will not go away.

I know that I have problems. I am working on me, but if I wait until I am done growing to find Mr. Right I will be dead. I believe that growing never stops. I will not be the same person as I was yesterday because I have grown. I don’t want my lovers to be the same so why should I.

I believe that God made me open, loving, and kind for a reason. I also know that I have a dark vein which I need in order to be me. I think that it’s this dark vein that attracts my miss guided lovers to me. I am that light they so desperately want in there lives but they don’t think they are meant to have so we play a cat and mouse game of savior and sinner. What they forget is that I am a sinner to. That dark vein is there for a reason. I did some thing(s) to get it. That is way I am working on me.

I do love helping them and loving them but I feel cheated but the end. I look back and I have given so much and gotten little or nothing. My old soul keeps telling my young heart that it is just a part of life. Well I wish my old soul would screen my lovers before my heart takes hold. Because It Hurts so Much When It Ends!  

What’s even crazier is that I want nothing but the best for all those guys that have hurt me and I still love one of them with all my being. The only think that I love more then him is God. I hope this will fade in time.

The only thing for sure is that I will keep living until I am called home and I will keep loving life no matter how painful.