Being Me

It is wrong of me to want to hit him. I don't generally get to tied up in dram so BS happening now is killing me.
I found out that at the beginning of my relationship i was the other woman.
Now I am worried that there is a disgruntled woman out to hurt me and my family.
I don't want this woman to be upset with me or hold ill will for my relationship.
Don't get me wrong I have not forgotten the cause of all this. That man. I love him and want to slap his face at the same time. " You my love did this"
I feel awful. I have helped to hurt a woman. unknowing but still. I am sorry! What is done is done. know to see if this family is worth keeping alive. 

I am shearing with you parts of myself no one else gets to see. I am bare, vulnerable, and exposed to you. 

This is a relationship of convenience and the convenience is all yours. I give you my love, time, domestic comforts,  and financial support.
What do your give me back? No really thing, what is my benefit in the relationship? I want you son to see you and have as much time with you as he can. So I settle for not being acknowledged, thanked and cared for.
 

I am lost in what to do with my life. Looking for the road again. 2 years ago i was just broken hearted but on a path. I just was to find my way to the path again. 

I am trying to find the point where one know when a relationship should end. I love him but I want more (marriage one day). He really wants to be with me and has love for me but is not in love with me. he dose not want to make me wait for something that may never happen. I really dont know what to do? God show me the way.